La Fea - Part Eleven

The veeedeocleeep that Luigi is going to get stuck shooting with video instead of 35mm is for an artist named Benny Ibarra. Luigi has shot some test footage with Magali, the woman Fernando picked up at the cocktail party, and when he shows it to the suits from Benny’s record company they are in love. Luigi preens and soaks in the praise. Marcia tells Fernando that the record company has even agreed to give them a cut of some CD sales, assuming Benny’s sales go up after the release of the video. Also, every female within 10 miles fights the urge to throw their legs open with Benny in the building. Like if Tom Jones visited where YOU work. Tom Jones looks like Bob the neighbor from “That 70’s Show” but apparently is second only to Wilt Chamberlain for the all-time scoring record. But I digress.

Lety tells Fernando that Bat-guy is still asking her where to deposit her kickback. Fernando is very excited, he has been waiting for the subject to come up again. He calls Bat-guy’s hot boss on the phone and tells her “My assistant says that your guy there offered her a bribe.” Based on his half of the conversation that we hear, she is shocked I tell you SHOCKED to hear that such a thing is happening right under her nose. SHOCKED. Fernando doesn’t believe it either. He tells her, “here’s what you’re going to do. Take the money you were going to give her, and give it to Conceptos. Just do it, trust me, you don’t want to fight with me about this.” Then he smiles, she has agreed. So there’s a little cash in his pocket. Meanwhile, Lety is still getting paid something like 50 pesos per hour even though she’s acting CFO/VP. I actually paused the recording out of frustration after this scene. I looked at my wife and she was obviously thinking the same thing as me. Lety is the absolutely DUMBEST smart person in the entire country of Mexico. Her father might lose his job, her mother appears to be on some kind of happy pills, her best friend is the Mexican version of Squiggy (from Laverne & Shirley), the ’89 LeBaron loan payments are enough to put the family into bankruptcy apparently, and she WON’T ASK FOR A DAMN RAISE. I believe there was even a cuss word or two in the ensuing conversation. We really got lathered up about that. Remember, at least a month of shows has gone by since she took on additional duties. What a complete wuss. Boo, Lety, booo.

So of course you know what happens next. As soon as I start the tape again……

Omar tells Fernando, basically, “Fernando, you idiot, you keep giving her all this stuff to do and keep drawing her tighter into your little web and you’re still paying her like she’s an intern.” Fernando looks stunned. Gosh golly gee Omar it never crossed my mind. I’m so great and the president of a company but I can’t even think to keep my own assistant paid right. So he calls Lety in after Omar leaves and tells her he’s giving her a big raise, I think he said 800 Pesos. That must be per week. She says “800 Pesos?” like he said 10 Million Dollars. Yeah and I’ll let you keep my pocket change too. Fernando thinks she isn’t satisfied with that, so he bumps it up to 900. She is about to say “900 Pesos?” and Fernando, like you and me, sees that this could go on all night. He says yeah 900 Pesos, thank you, good night, I’ll be here all week. This is followed by the typical Lety swooning, dreaming, imagining kissies, etc.

Luigi has the scenery all drawn up on boards in his office. However, today is another one of those days where Paula Maria’s son got kicked out of school again or something and Lola’s ex-husband dropped her kids off too. So, after some wandering around, the kids end up in Luigi’s office. They see the pictures and decide to color them in, not knowing what they are. Lola’s young son has a dinosaur stamp, a stamp like you press on an inkpad and then on paper. He stamps little dinosaurs all over everything. Then we see Luigi instructing some painters to get the boards from his office and make sure the scenery matches his drawings. You see what’s going to happen here right? Later Luigi comes back and finds his veedeo scenery painted with dinosaurs! It’s pretty funny, mostly to see his super-gay reaction. This guy makes Jack McFarland from Will & Grace look like Sam Malone from Cheers he’s so gay. Fernando shows up, has an equally comical reaction, then they scream at the painters, then the kids, then the painters start working to fix it all up again. The whole thing was funny but a bit pointless.

More stuff happens with the shadow company. Fernando tells the plan to Lety, she’s surprised about the whole thing but of course she’ll do it, she’d take bamboo slivers under her nails for Fernando. They do some paperwork. This whole storyline is kind of a bore, though it does give a reason to keep Tomas and RoboPapa involved in the story later on rather than just for their usual shticks. Fernando tells Lety, about as many times as Omar told Paula Maria to keep their tryst quiet, that she can’t tell anyone about the shadow company. “Yeah, it’s totally legit, oh yeah totally, but uh you can’t tell anyone or I’ll have you disappear. Heh. It’s all legit though, really.”

Marcia the Unblinking Eye complains to Fernando’s mother some more about Fernando and how much influence Lety has on him. Lety is working on cutting costs and Fernando is backing it up 100%. Of course cutting costs is a good idea when you are losing money, but since it was Lety’s idea Marcia hates it.

For the 10th time of 100 times, Luigi asks Fernando where his new camera is. “heh it’s on the way really Luigi totally I was just checking on it this morning, really.” Fernando’s job has turned into walking around the building lying to people. And scoping out models. That’s about it.

Fernando then tells Lopez the creepy nasty HR guy to clean out Olarte’s old office, he’s moving Lety in there. Then he tells Lety, who starts to cry. He can’t believe it. She won’t go. He says don’t you want a window or something? Nope. She gives him some crap about wanting to be close to do all their business and he buys it. What a rube. He says fine, whatever you want. She goes into her office for the whole dreamy swoony thing she does. I know the first two notes of the music for when she does this, so I can roll my eyes about it before she even gets started now. Good times.

Lety brings Tomas in on her new shadow company. Fernando moved 100,000 Pesos into that company’s account, Lety wants Tomas to invest it for her. In direct violation of Fernando’s order to NOT TELL ANYBODY. Really, he couldn’t have been more clear. Here’s what Lety did: “uh huh, don’t tell anyone. Got it. Hey Tomas check this out…..” Nice work Lety. You’ll never get to be Mrs. Fernando if you do stuff like that. She ends up selling him 1% of the company, so he can work as an owner and not just an employee. To have rights with the money or something like that.

It’s the morning of the big Benny Ibarra veeedeo shoot and nobody has arrived in the office yet. Fernando is beside himself. As people arrive one by one, he bites their heads off one at a time. Finally everyone is there and there’s no one left to yell at.

Omar tells Fernando that Luigi is going to flip when he finds out there is no 35mm camera coming, just a new video camera. No duh Omar, good thing we pay you so much. Advice like that is priceless. Aren’t there some ladies working somewhere that you should be giving the constipation face to?

Tomas immediately lets his new status go to his head and he buys some business cards. He’s Donaldo Trump. Lety goes to work and continues to tell Fernando that she hasn’t told anyone about the company.

Saimon is having a little fun with the dancers from the video. As the world’s only messenger who wears a suit, he gets to pull his “I’m an executive” routine and starts teaching them to dance. He’s having a grand old time until he doesn’t notice Fernando standing right behind him trying to do the General Zod from Superman II thing with his eyes into the back of Saimon’s head. One more notch in the belt for Fernando, he might actually get to yell at every single person in the company today.

Fernando tells Lety that he’s going to L.A. tomorrow and that he’s leaving HER in charge of the company while he’s gone! Boy oh boy wait until the Unblinking Eye and Jessica Rabbit find out about THAT.

La Fea - Part Ten Megapost

I've been writing this on breaks at work, I was going to go a little farther but what the hell. Hopefully I'll have more soon.


At the end of the computer fiasco, Ariel the Little Mermaid corners Jessica Rabbit and tells her that he knows she’s responsible and he wants her to spy on the company for him or he’ll let the right people know, at which point she’ll be bounced out on her ass.

At the cocktail reception, Lety manages to somehow, I don’t know how, lose a shoe in the outdoor fountain. She argues with a drunken waiter to get it back, eventually it ends up back on her foot. She heads inside to find Fernando.

Inside, Fernando is scoping out the hotties, looking for some fresh meat. He sets his sight on one of the sales ladies, named Magali. She’s pretty I guess (she is going to be the female lead in Heridas de Amor) but there’s something not hot about her, I’m not sure what. Fernando doesn’t agree with me however, he zooms in. He and Omar put on a whole song and dance and seem to win her over, a little anyway. Fernando’s cell phone rings, of course it’s Marcia the unblinking eye, he nervously does the whole “what’s up? Oh nothing, this is boring, you know heh heh” thing since he’s standing next to his next conquest. He eventually gets her to laughingly agree to appear as a model in one of Conceptos’s next videoclips. I love they way they say ‘videoclip’ on the show, pronounce that with Spanish pronunciation and you’ll see what I mean. Veeedeocleeep. I love it, especially coming from Luigi.

Lety calls RoboPapa, who is pissed that she’s out late. Doesn’t she know all the men are just waiting for their chance to rip her clothes off and abuse her?

Jessica Rabbit goes home and finds notes from both the electric company and the gas company – she’s cut off. Miss high life has spent all her money on trying to look rich, now she has no electricity or gas. She calls her dad and begs for money, but apparently she has done this many many times before and he tells her tough noogies, no dice.

Fernando finds Lety outside waiting for a bus, he gives her a ride home. Marcia questions him when he finally gets back to his place, “Where the hell have you been?” “uh, with Lety.” The Unblinking Eye seethes. And seethes some more. She then rakes him over the coals about the report from the meeting, Fernando gets a “what the hell am I doing here” look on his face.

Meanwhile, Lety dreamily writes in her diary some more about how awesome Fernando is. Again.

The next day Omar tries to seduce Jessica Rabbit with his constipation looks, he says they should get together at her place later. She rushes to the Unblinking Eye to whine. “Maaaaarcia no tengo luz ni gas! Maaaaaaaaaaaaaarrccciiaaaaaaaaaa!” She begs Marcia to basically fix the problem for her. Marcia breaks down and loans her the money.

The big showdown over the 35mm vs video camera is progressing. Fernando intends to go all video now that the 35mm has been broken, so he tells Luigi “ok I’ll get you a new camera in a while, for now why don’t you use the video camera. You know, for a while.” Luigi, in his own special stereotypically gay way , says no.

Fernando and Marcia discuss his plans to give Lety signing authority on all the bank accounts. Of course, she is livid and thinks it is a horrible idea, based on her incredibly unrealistic jealousy of Lety. Fernando explains that she needs the authority because…… Tadaaaa! We’re all going to L.A. to drum up some business with some U.S. companies! They’ll be leaving in a few days/weeks, it wasn’t very clear. Fernando, Marcia, and Omar will make the trip.

J.R. tells Marcia that the money she loaned her wasn’t enough to pay her bills. What she DOESN’T tell her is that she used the money to pay her credit card, not the electric and gas.

In the next meeting, the subject of the next veeedeocleeep comes up, Fernando casually mentions that he has the model for it. He says Magali’s name, Luigi flips. He knows her and looooves her. “she’s so pretty, so divine!” He often says ‘divine’ in English. One of his little quirks is to say little bits in English a lot, most frequently “oh my GOD!” Hilarious. Again, the Unblinking Eye is all pissed off at Fernando for having the balls to be in the same room as an attractive woman, over the whole Magali thing.

Cinerent, one of the companies from the cocktail reception, decides it wants Conceptos’s business at any cost. Miguel from that company calls Lety and says he wants to take her to lunch to talk business. We see Miguel in his office with his extremely attractive boss discussing his plan to bribe her. This boss lady took me by surprise. Usually the hottest women are stars, or are featured heavily in the few episodes they appear in. This character could have been played by any woman between the ages of 25 and 80, for some reason this absolute knockout got this dud role. It just seems strange, that’s all. Anyway, Lety tells El Club that she has a lunch appointment, they all titter on like somebody proposed marriage.

Miguel says he’ll call her from his car when he’s in the parking lot, he doesn’t want anyone to see him with such a Fea. However, basically the entire company happens to be outside when she gets in his car. Patricia, one of the ladies in El Club, can’t believe Lety is going off with such a guapo. This guy, guapo? No way. He has the strangest ears I’ve ever seen. They look like bat ears. I was mesmerized by them and had to rewind a couple times because I wasn’t paying attention to dialogue. He could fly away with those things, or hear supersonic sounds. Like dog whistles. Lunch begins and Miguel tries to pump her for inside information on Conceptos with very little tact. Lety freezes up and doesn’t tell him anything. He goes on to tell her that he’ll offer her the lowest prices, she can come to him with whatever the prices are from anywhere else and he’ll give them a lower price. Lastly, he says he’ll give her a kickback – up to 500,000 pesos a year possibly. This is a ton of money, especially since that ‘89 LeBaron seems to have the family strapped for cash. Lety of course is appalled by the suggestion and suggests that Miguel take a long walk off a short pier. Or the Spanish equivalent of that at least.

Omar tries to work his constipated charms on J.R., she puts him off by saying that she’s having dinner with her father, in reality she is too embarrassed by not having power or gas in her apartment. The mere mention of ‘father’ sends Omar packing, he’s in it for the sex, there’s no way he wants to go anywhere near her parents.

Lety is in her office wondering what to do. She’s insulted by Miguel offering a kickback, but she wants the money to help her family. She decides to at least tell Fernando that Cinerent will offer prices lower than anyone else. She won’t tell him who to choose, but giving him that info won’t hurt. She manages to convince herself of this and tells him that part of Miguel’s offer.

Ariel the Little Mermaid shows up at J.R.’s apartment, he wants more info on what is going on with the company since he can’t get any scoop from anyone else there. He finds out about her electricity and gas being out and proceeds to mock her about it, then demands some whiskey. He derides the whiskey he gives her as piss. This guy is the perfect guest. J.R. can’t wait for him to leave, she won’t even sit down. “ok thanks for stopping by see you bye bye now ok bye.” But the Little Mermaid takes off his jacket, loosens his tie and gets comfortable. J.R. tells him all about Lety getting signing authority for the bank accounts. She goes on to tell him about Lety sneaking off with Miguel the bat-eared guy and says it must be for some secret business, Miguel is sooo handsome and would never go on a social date with a fea like Lety. The Little Mermaid calls Olarte to tell him about Cinerent and to see if Olarte knows anything about them, then gets off the phone and attempts to seduce J.R. She is REALLY not interested, she is repulsed by him, but he has too much power over her and she gives in. Blech.

Lety calls Tomas and tells him all about the lunch and the offer of a bribe. She also tells him that she told her friends that Tomas was rich and handsome and that the two of them were on the way to being an item. She told her friends that to throw them off, the cleaning lady reads fortunes and senses that Lety has a crush on somebody. Lety doesn’t want anyone to know of course that she dreams of bumping uglies with the boss.

With J.R. not available for the evening, Omar is out cruising the bars and he runs into Paula Maria, the receptionist. If you remember, Paula Maria is BUILT. She is dancing around in a micro-mini skirt and a top that looks about like a band-aid. Omar gets his super-constipated look, sucking air through his teeth like this trip to the john is a painful one, and lays some Fernando-quality lines on her. Oye guapa! She’s already a bit drunk, he gets her more drunk, she already likes him because he’s handsome and rich, so she’s an easy conquest. They head out of the bar together.

We see the Little Mermaid getting dressed in J.R.’s bedroom, we also see a very un-satisfied looking J.R. sitting on the bed. I don’t get the impression that Ariel was a great lover. She still has her dress on that she was wearing that day. He tells her that he’s going to keep coming by for information and sex and there’s nothing she can do about it. She says nothing. After he leaves, she desperately calls Omar on his cell phone. The phone rings on the nightstand next to Omar, who is laying in bed with Paula Maria. OOOoops. He answers, thinking Paula Maria is asleep, and tells J.R. that he misses her too, yes honey I love you too, etc. Paula Maria is awake, she hears the whole thing. Her face contorts into a very jealous scowl. Shortly thereafter Omar gets up and while getting dressed, implores Paula Maria not to tell anyone about what happened between the two of them. It was so special, etc, lets keep it between us, la la la. Same old story.

Fernando drops the news to Lety about the trip to L.A., he asks her to make the travel arrangements. He also decides to buy from Cinerent, since they offer the best prices. Lety calls Miguel the bat-eared guy and tells him that Conceptos will buy from them. He tells her “ok I’ll have your money ready, just tell me what bank to put it in.” She says nothing and gets off the phone.

In the morning, Paula Maria rides to work with Omar. Another day, another Conceptos employee coming to work in the same clothes as yesterday. Omar tells her for the 1000th time to keep what happened just between them. I think we get the message Omar. He then gives her a constipated grimace to keep her horny. Apparently Omar has stumbled across the look/grimace that drives women wild, like some secret chemical, or some special combination of words like what works so well for Fernando. Hola guapa!

Omar and Fernando start concocting a scheme that will be a major part of the story for quite a while. Fernando wants to start a second ‘shadow’ company to protect Conceptos in the likely chance that some of its creditors want to take some assets from them for unpaid loans. Business is bad, if they can’t make payments the company might go under. I’m not sure what passes for bankruptcy in Mexico. They will put this new company in someone’s name who they completely trust, since they can’t use their own names or the company won’t be separate enough. This shadow company would be given first rights to Conceptos’s assets if they go bankrupt. If the company gets all the company stuff, Fernando can protect himself from losing the company, so long as the owner of this new company can be trusted.

Lety tells her father what Miguel the bat-eared guy offered her, she tearfully says she doesn’t want to do it but the family needs the money. RoboPapa wheeeeezes through the conversation, his frequent need to draw a deep breat causing a 30 second conversation to last a good five minutes. In a nutshell – “wheeeeeeezz Lety mi hija hseeeeeszz don’t do it gaaasssspppp keep your integrity cough cough wheeeeeEEEEEEeeeezz gasp it is the first step down a slippery slope HAAAACCCKKK don’t do it.” Lety, even more tearfully than before, I think because she can hear her father slowly dying every time he talks, agrees that morally she cannot take the money.

Meanwhile, Ariel the Little Mermaid has made some progress. Olarte told him that Cinerent regularly offered kickbacks, he’s sure that is what Lety and Bat-guy were meeting about. Ariel is momentarily angry at Olarte, “that means you were taking kickbacks before?” but gets over it. He must admire Olarte’s sliminess, though it will never rival his own. He gets Olarte to call Bat-guy on the phone and tapes the conversation. Olarte leads the conversation to the subject of Lety and kickbacks, Bat-guy tells him everything, insinuating that Lety accepted the offer. Ariel gets an evil grin going, excited at the idea of bringing Fernando’s trusted assistant to ruin.


Lety goes to Fernando and confesses that Bat-guy offered her a kickback in conjunction with the low prices and she considered taking it. Of course, then, she quits. She says he can’t trust her any more so she’s quitting. Again. I think this makes quitting twice and getting fired twice.

Ariel arrives at Conceptos with his little cassette tape, prepared to wreak havoc. He first goes to Marcia’s office to set the plan in motion. He asks her, “does Fernando still trust in her blindly? He does whatever she says?” She answers yes, rolling her eyes and growling. He says “check this out then!” and plays the tape. Marcia is pissed and also is excited at the prospect of getting rid of Lety. The two of them storm off to Fernando’s office together to kill the rabbit. Uh I mean get rid of Lety, I was feeling like Elmer Fudd there for a minute.

Lety is still crying and trying to quit when the Little Mermaid and the Unblinking Eye storm into the office. Ariel is VERY proud of himself as he starts flinging accusations at Lety and brings out his smoking gun, the recording of Olarte’s call with Bat-guy. They listen to the tape. Fernando then tells them that Lety was just telling him everything before they came in. She DIDN’T take any money, and that phone call doesn’t prove anything anyway. Bat-guy never said he gave her money and Olarte has already proven that he can’t be trusted. Marcia turns on Ariel and switches sides, now siding with Fernando. They tell Ariel to grow up already and find something else to do besides potting the downfall of Conceptos. Don’t you have a real job Ariel? I can’t figure out what it is, but there must be something that keeps you in that bad haircut and ugly suits.

After the others leave, Fernando tells Lety that he has even more confidence and trust in her now than ever, de ninguna manera can she quit. By coming to him and telling him everything she has earned his trust. This doesn’t entirely make sense, but whatever. If I told my boss that I almost accepted a bribe, that I reeaaaallly thought about taking it but didn’t, he wouldn’t be telling me ‘good job.’

Olarte calls Ariel to see what happened, Ariel tells him to disappear and never call him or see him again. Adios. Now if we can only get rid of that GROSS fingerlicking Lopez the HR guy. He’s so nasty.

Caray, Caray! Merchandise

Ok check this out - I decided to take my own advice and set up a Caray, Caray! store. I used my son's sandals as the picture for all the products. My dear wife cleaned it up a bit in Photoshop, she intends to make a new design or two eventually as well. I didn't set it up to make any money, just for kicks. Let me know what you think. Also, I'll be happy to put some other images in for any of the products if you want. I can make a Fernando Colunga mousepad, whatever. Send me or post a large format picture and I can make it happen.

http://www.cafepress.com/caray_caray

La Fea - Part Nine

Not much happens for a while. Jessica Rabbit is upset about Lety being important when her seis semestres de financia make her soooo much more qualified. Right. Yes, your community college equivalent should definitely outweigh Lety’s Masters degree. Gosh! How can you not be running your own company by now?

Fernando and Omar talk about how much J.R. hates and is jealous of Lety. Fernando thinks this is the first time a beautiful woman has been so jealous of an ugly one.

Marcia The Unblinking Eye and J.R. spend some time talking about…… Lety. For being so worthless in their eyes, they sure do spend a lot of time thinking about her. Lots of “Maaaaarcia, por que Fernando gives so much credit to Lety? Porrrrr queeee? Maaaaaaarcia? Whaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa whaaaaaaaaaaaa.” Marcia later tells Fernando that he doesn’t realize it, but somehow Lety has brainwashed him. If giving him good information and advice, and doing good work, is brainwashing, then I guess she is. She’s a voodoo priestess.

Finally something happens. J.R. decides to perform some sabotage. Lety is working on some report for tomorrow’s meeting (same old story). J.R. decides to mess up her computer so she can’t get it done. Olarte the idiot finance guy gets involved again, as does Ariel the Little Mermaid. Olarte calls Lety to his office for something or other to keep her busy. J.R., with some instructions she got from the corrupt systems guy in the basement, enters some commands into Lety’s computer to lock it up. Olarte sifts through some papers while Lety fumes, finally she has had enough and stomps back to her office, though too late to catch J.R. in the act. Lola, Olarte’s secretary, DID see J.R., though. But she doesn’t say anything to anybody, not even when Lety discovers her computer is all messed up and she can’t get her information. More hand wringing ensues, lots of yelling and running around, finally Fernando calls systems to get Lety’s computer and get the info from it.

Lety starts crying her eyes out to Fernando and tells him that she doesn’t deserve the promotion he gave her. Why she thinks this when it wasn’t her fault is beyond me. She tries to quit more often than she gets fired. Fernando tells her he doesn’t have time for that kind of talk, he needs the info from her computer.

Paula Maria calls a friend at another company to see if he can fix Lety’s computer, the systems guy from the basement says it will take him a couple days. This is because a) he’s stupid, b) he’s corrupt and the axis of evil put him up to this, and c) he’s busy taking breaks and stuff like that. Fernando comes down to check up on him, the guy has the gall to tell him that he’s on his way to lunch. The president of the company! He’s lucky he didn’t get fired on the spot. With the guy from the other company as a backup plan, Fernando leans heavily on the systems guy and finally he gets what he wants. However…. while everyone is out of the room, the systems guy makes a copy of all the confidential information from her computer!

Eventually the whole thing comes unraveled, Fernando discovers Olarte’s involvement and fires him on the spot. He then goes to the systems guy and fires HIM too. He’s on a roll, kicking ass and taking names.

Back in the meeting room – Luigi Lombardi, el gran gay and Conceptos’s award winning director, emotionally tells everyone that he’s going to shoot a video for Benny Ibarra. I guess he’s really famous in Mexico, because everyone goes nuts at the news. So this sounds like something good is going to happen! I’m sure something will muck it up. Fernando arrives with the information he needed all along, finally, Lety follows a few minutes later. She says “buenas tardes” but no one answers, making her very nervous. Soon, however, it is her turn to explain the report, she manages to gain everyone’s rapt attention.

At the end of the meeting, Fernando proposes giving Lety more responsibilities within the company, due to her successful report, as well as due to the fact that Olarte got the boot earlier that day. Lety can’t believe it. I feel some more crying and daydreaming coming on.

Ariel the Little Mermaid finds J.R. after the meeting and says he thinks it was her that messed up Lety’s computer. She doesn’t say yes or no, but she’s a bad bluffer and he knows it to be true. He’ll put that info to use later. I’m still trying to figure out what his real job is. He doesn’t work at Conceptos, we see him in his office sometimes, he has a hot secretary who doesn’t do anything but transfer phone calls to him, he never says where he works or what he does, and he has nothing but free time to pursue his goal of world domination. Whoops, I mean his goal of ruining Fernando and taking over Conceptos. Maybe we’ll find out someday what he does.

Lety tells El Club De Las Feas that she’s taking over a lot of Olarte’s job. The familiar give and take of “did you get a raise?” “no Don Fernando must have forgotten about it.” The circle of life continues.

Fernando tells Omar to pretend he’s in love with J.R. so she won’t spend any time with Ariel the Little Mermaid, too much contact between the two makes him nervous. Fernando tries to keep all his affairs (both personal and company) private, but J.R. is bound to get a tidbit of info here and there and he doesn’t want Ariel the Little Mermaid to know ANYTHING.

Fernando meets with Lety, who tells him that the company is in some financial trouble. No duh. The place is overrun with idiots, how could it possibly be in good shape?

During a shoot for a bicycle commercial, Luigi ties his dog’s leash to a camera tripod. As expected, the dog pulls the camera over and breaks it. Luigi is beside himself, as only a gay stereotype can be. This was the nice 35mm camera. With that ruined, there is only a video camera to use. Luigi refuses to use it under any circumstance. I sense a high noon showdown with Fernando over this one, replacing the 35mm camera will be $$$$$$ expensive and there is no extra money these days.

Fernando invites Lety to accompany him and Omer to a big trade show/meeting/cocktail reception. She is overcome with emotion and tears up, later on that night she is at home dreaming once again about being Mrs. Fernando. Swoooooooooooooooon.

Caray Caray is EVERYWHERE

My son was putting on his sandals the other day and I finally noticed the brand name. I've seen these sandals many, many times. So how did I miss this? Well, needless to say as soon as I saw it I knew I had to get a picture. I'd tell you where they were purchased, but I have no idea except for somewhere in Guadalajara. Maybe we should start a store with some Caray Caray apparel.

[edit] - Hey - if you need a logo, feel free to use this! Free of charge.

La Fea - Part Eight

El Club de Las Feas celebrates in the employee bathroom after Lety shyly tells them that Fernando called her his assistant. She has the exact same look on her face that your 12 year old niece has when telling her friends about some boy who touched her hand. In the midst of the celebration, Alicia oooops I mean Jessica Rabbit walks in. “Que paso??” with the o being like this – oooOOOooo? Like you would ask your kids who are pretending there isn’t any paint on the wall as you ask them “ok and what happened heeeere?” Las Feas tell Jessica Rabbit that Lety is the assistant to the president now, so she (J.R.) better watch her step. If they were guys instead of women, there would be a lot of chest bumping and “hold me back dude I swear hold me back” going on. J.R. laughs her fake fake laugh oh how I hate the fake laugh and says it can’t be true, Lety isn’t anybody important in the company, she’s just the leader of El Club. She is “La Reina de Las Feas.” HAhahaahahhaahahahahah as she leaves the room. Like the Joker after wrapping Batman and Robin with scotch tape and putting them over a goldfish bowl to finish them “once and for all!”

Jessica Rabbit runs off IMMEDIATELY to rat to Marcia about what Las Feas were saying about Lety. Here’s an Alborada flashback – there was one scene where Diego was whining to Dona Juana, she was telling him how stupid he was after he got in yet another screaming match with Luis, about how he was being immature to yell insults at Luis. “But he insulted me first!” he whiiiiiiiines. J.R. uses that exact same tone here. “They said she was the assistant to the preeeeesident Maaaarcia? Como se puede? COOOOOMMMOOOOO???” Somebody needs to have their bedtime bumped up about 30 minutes if they are going to be cranky like that!

Marcia calls a meeting con todo El Club de Las Feas and asks Lopez the finger licker to be present. She rips into them. They are chismosas (gossips), they don’t do any work, they waste time and money, they talk too much, etc etc etc and finally Fernando shows up. He cuts Marcia off, then tells Lopez to issue a memo announcing that Lety is now asistente de Presidencia! Marcia glares at him with those glassy unblinking eyes. Her eyes really shine, but I think that’s because they are marbles. If they were real eyes, she would have to blink every once in a while to keep them from drying up and falling out.

The next day Omar is hanging out and sees Ariel The Little Mermaid arrive and give a way too friendly greeting to Alicia and is jealous. Que macho these men. “I’m gonna screw whoever I want, but if you let someone say hello to you too nicely, I’m gonna be pissed. Just so you understand how it is.” Fernando tells Omar that he has to keep up his romance with Alicia to keep her away from The Little Mermaid, if she gets in with him she might give him information.

Lety is waiting for that damned Microbus to get home, it cruises right by without stopping. I think the Microbus company draws its employees from the same place that the DMV gets theirs. As she’s yelling at the bus as it disappears, Fernando pulls up in his sweet ride. I’ve been trying to figure out what kind of car he drives, but they never show the logo. I think it’s a BMW Z3 but I’m not sure. Something very much like that if not that. Anyway, he offers Lety a ride and says that she doesn’t need to take the bus, he’ll give her a ride home every single night. After her first little daydream, it’s easy to spot them now. Any time Fernando gets in close my wife and I look at each other “dream.” He asks what she’d like to listen to, she says she loooooooves Alejandro Fernandez. He says that’s his favorite too! Then they ride off to their castle where he’ll ravish her with no threat of repercussion from RoboPapa.

The sound of Fernando yelling “LETY!” snaps her out of it, he just asks if she’s all right. She says yes, then a model wanders by and Fernando’s attention is gone, like a cat who spots anything dangling anywhere. He offers the MODEL a ride, as they drive away he turns on the radio and tells the model how much he likes Alejandro Fernandez. Lety’s eyes shoot open “Tambien me gusta much Alejandro Fernandez……” but Fernando is gone.

Lety gets home somehow anyway and tells everyone, including the ever-present freeloader Tomas, that she is now officially the assistant to the president. They all want to know, “did you get a raise?” “uh no, but I’m sure he’ll take care of that later.” This proves to me that Lety has never held a job before. She gives him waaaaay too much credit. Who gives out money without being asked?

Marcia, the unblinking eye, hey that’s kind of like Sauron from The Lord of The Rings – his tower has this big red fiery eye that is referred to as “The Unblinking Eye.” So Marcia is Sauron. Well that might be WELL over the nerd tolerance of most of you so I’ll keep that to myself. Anyway Marcia is with Fernando’s parents complaining again about Lety. She regularly talks about how Fernando is a dumbass and is giving Lety so much responsibility, right to his parents! For some reason this doesn’t make Fernando’s mother feel strange, she agrees that Lety needs to go. Why? Who knows. The only reason ever given is that Sauron doesn’t like her. Ok, I thought I’d try Sauron once to see how it looked but it doesn’t quite work. I’ll go back to Marcia the Unblinking Eye. Later on, Fernando’s father tells Fernando that he is giving too much trust to Lety. She has a target on her back, watch out Lety.

Meanwhile, Lety is at home roping Tomas in to help her on yet another urgent, due tomorrow morning, business report for a meeting. Yawn. This is to keep the whole plot about Conceptos having money troubles moving along, but right now it’s all just snore on that end. I’m sure later it will mean something, for now bleah. Tomas, as usual, isn’t much help, he’s too busy giving little kissies to his LAMINATED picture of Jessica Rabbit. This guy is creep central, stalker, serial killer. I mean REALLY. What do you think he does when he’s home alone with that picture, hmmm? Never mind, forget I said that. Ugh. He rants and raves about her being with Omar, how can this be true? How can she be with him? Lety basically tells him “DUH you idiot he’s good looking and rich. Get over it. She’s a bitch anyway.”

La Fea - Part Seven

Paula Maria comes back to the table and gets Lety to snap out of her daydream. Yes folks, it was all a dream! The writers went to TV writing school and learned all the tricks. They have also mastered the completely misleading preview for tomorrows show, where they clip together unrelated scenes to make you think the Pope is visiting town, when in fact the next episode is about a picnic.

RoboPapa lays into Lety for coming home so late.

Alicia has lunch with Marcia the next day and fills her in on how Ariel, The Little Mermaid (I can’t get over him having the same name, I know, I know, I’m immature), humiliated her at their ‘date’ the other night. Later, Omar finds out about their date and in true macho fashion is pissed off that she went out with someone else. She assures him that he (Omar) is the only one for her. She is thrilled that her attempt to make him jealous worked so well. Omar, now that he is certain that his woman isn’t cheating on him, starts working on his excuse to get away from her so he can go be with some other woman. According to my wife, there is a ‘macho’ epidemic in Mexico, a real double standard. Basically, what I just described above. Men do whatever they want but the women better fall in line dammit. She’s happy with her woefully unmacho gringo husband, he writes novela recaps for cripes sake. But I digress….

Fernando tells Lety that the next morning he’s going to his club to practice for an equestrian event and there will be NO interruptions. No exceptions. De Ninguna Manera. So of course, in the morning, Lety gets a call from somebody or other that they need payment on something RIGHT THIS MINUTE or they will detonate the bomb that they hid in the Conceptos building. No not really, but some other dire circumstance. Of course Lety has to find Fernando to authorize some money transfer or loan request or something. Fernando being at the club, remember, and is NOT to be interrupted. She thinks for about .0001 second before deciding that she should go interrupt him. He turned off his cell phone, so she better go see him.

Lety finds Saimon and tells him she needs a ride. She chose him, I’m sure, due to that fact that he has a scooter and not a car, thereby giving us hope for some sweet motorcycle hair after the ride. He hippity hops and spins and does his Motown shuffle, and off they go.

As hoped, Lety has some awesome windblown hair when they arrive at the club. We see a scene from inside the club, apparently everyone has the day off. Fernando and Omar are both riding horses, Marcia and her sister and brother are lounging around watching. Back to the gate – the guard won’t let Lety and Saimon in, of course. Lety somehow convinces the guy to open the gate after telling him that if she doesn’t get in, some money doesn’t move, and eventually Fernando won’t be able to pay his club dues. She proceeds to scream “DON FERNANDOOOOOO” over and over as they ride through the club grounds. You can’t take Lety anywhere.

They finally see him riding his horse, she keeps yelling at him. He comes over with quite a sour look on his face, and rightly so. She explains everything, he says “oh ok good job” and signs the paper. Just then Marcia shows up and wants to punch Lety in the face but Fernando once again defends her and says she did the right thing. Ohhhhh Fernie my hero! He even, get this, he then invites her to join him for a lunch meeting with some clients in the club restaurant. Marcia storms off and Omar slinks off.

They have lunch with some people who want to do some business and Fernando introduces her as his ‘assistant.’ Lety starts talking some serious stuff. She manages to negotiate them into a corner, where they have to pay a bunch of the fees up front. Fernando is proud.

A funny thing in the restaurant: Lety orders the pasta ‘as you like it.’ The waiter says no no, as you like it means you can have it this way, or that way, or whatever, you know, as you like it. Lety says “oh! As you like it! That’s what I said. That one.” A very naco, Nuevo Rico kind of thing.

Fernando offers to give Lety a ride home, he has a little daydream about shoving her into the trunk so nobody sees him driving with such a fea but snaps out of it and lets her ride in front. What a guy.